Thursday, January 24, 2008

The hottest love has the coldest end

Fuck that - Pookie can kiss my big fine ass. Asshole.

Well, its been a few months since I last posted. I guess what revived my desire to share my stupid ass thoughts with no one was the fact that my engagement to the man I loved ended this week. I really wanted things to work out with him, but Pookie and I had some issues we couldnt move past. In the end, it was best to go our separate ways instead of dragging through what would eventually be a painful relationship.

I guess what makes it easier is that he lived in another city and so not seeing him helps (or being used to not seeing him as often). Of course the shock of us not working out cames months before I wanted to move with him to make things work and begin our lives together. Not wearing the ring still hurts - it feels odd to feel that finger empty, its almost like a reminder of what I used to have and is no longer there. I do miss him, a lot, but I do not miss feeling left out, distant, resented and lonely. It's funny - towards the last few weeks I left lonelier than I do now. I just wished that things would've turned out better for us, because the couple we used to be was happy, glowing, in love and just....alive. The couple we became was not the couple I wanted us to be.

So I know no one reads this shit - but this is Day 3 A.P. (After.Pookie). Pookie, I miss you. I hope one day you will be happy again.

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