Dirty Orange

Baking the Blues Away

2011-08-31T17:57:00.015-05:00

Sigh...not even my mother's nasty texts can defeat the sometimes omnipotence of depression. But the best thing I can do is try to do whatever I feel like doing to make me feel a little happier. Today, I decided to try baking something I've always wanted to bake - bread. Not just any ol' kinda bread, but some fucking badass bread for sandwiches or breakfast. So today, I am trying out a honey wheat bread recipe. Let's see how it goes.

First of all, these are pretty much all the ingredients I needed. Who knew there was an actual "bread flour" that you can use? Also, active dry yeast? Looks like tiny seeds and smells like beer.
Okay, so I "stirred" in the fun stuff and now I have to let it sit for 30 minutes or until "bubbly". WTF does that even mean? This is what the first step looks like:

And about 20 minutes later, it still looks the same.

Even Willis isn't impressed.

Now, mixing in the wheat flour wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. First of all, you really can't use any mixing apparatus, since the best thing you can possibly use to knead and mix this shit are your hands. Good thing I got a shellac manicure two weekends ago.

So after mixing the flour around, I noticed I didn't use as much as the recipe mentioned. In fact, a lot was left over. So this is what the dough things looked like after kneading:

And then I let it sit in a greased bowl in a warm location so it can "double". Uh huh. I'm sure that shit is going to move at all. It needs to stay someplace warm - but see here, now that my AC got fixed this weekend, I am no where even thinking of complaining that there isn't a "warm" area to store this. Then - light bulb - garage. Improvisation station!

Now the recipe called for me to beat the dough. Like, beat it. Punch it. Okay, but see the dough hasn't done anything to me to make me mad at it and punch it! So I said a little prayer to the bread gods and punched away, thinking of a few things to help put a little more juice behind the beating. Then I placed in a loaf pan, left in the garage to "double" until it rises an inch above the pan. Uh huh.

At this point, I am very doubtful, but I place the dough in the loaf pan and placed it on top of the trunk of my car in the garage since thats the warmest place in the house. About an hour passes, and I go to check up on the bread - and whoa!

The dough actually doubled in size and it is almost an inch above the pan! So at this point I turned on the oven and decided to give the dough another 20 minutes or so.

Okay so 25 minutes pass, and here is my creation (after spreading some sugared butter on top of the loaf). It tasted...like bread. Maybe it needed salt, I don't know. But it looks pretty, doesn't it??

Poor Nine Women

2011-08-29T15:58:00.002-05:00

Hey, it's been a while since Mom has sent me something awesome. And she doesn't disappoint either!

The Tale of the Tiny Underwear

2011-07-05T19:48:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry....I really am. This is probably one of the grossest and most disgusting pictures my mother has ever sent me. And of course, I tell her to send it to my cousin Andy because whom else besides us freaks would enjoy this picture than our cousin Andy.

Oh god, I can't believe I just post this. I will be back right after I finish bleaching my eyes out.

The Masturbater

2011-07-05T19:45:00.002-05:00

So how does one get rid of a masturbater on their phone? Do you just wait until it is done? Do you just....send it to someone else and it stops? And "Ride or Die?" Was this from one of her biker friends? So many questions that I don't want the answer to.

The sad part is that the little dude was animated. I spared you all the misery.

Too Hot for Corn

2011-07-05T16:33:00.001-05:00

This one isn't as bad but it is kinda cute. Cute because its usually over 100 degrees where she lives.

A Man and His Horse

2011-07-05T16:11:00.003-05:00

My mother sent me this one a while back with her saying "Te andan buscando", which means "They are looking for you". Guess she is still searching for a honorable and lovely husband for her daughter (a.k.a. me). By the way, I pixelated the naughty parts. You're a dirty bird for wanting to see the unedited one.

My Mother's Texts

2011-07-05T16:08:00.003-05:00

So, my mother has this "thing" where she ADORES sending me or forwarding over text messages to me from her friends. Some are cute, but the majority are pretty raunchy. Risque. As in "clutch your pearls and stay close to the fainting couch" dirrrrrty. So, one commenter on a blog I recent told me I should display these lovely tokens of x-rated treasure to the world. And the Beebs abides. Hope you like them :-)

Dad.

2011-06-18T02:19:00.006-05:00

Forgiveness is never easy, but when it comes, it opens a whole new world to your life. I've learned that you can't rush yourself to forgive - the time just comes. It presents itself with such relief. It comes when you are ready.

This will be the first time in years that I will be wishing my dad a Happy Father's Day. In forgiving him, I have three wonderful siblings in my life and two amazing nephews that will get to know me as their aunt. This Father's Day, I am grateful that I was able to finally forgive my father for leaving me at such a young age and for not being in my life the past 25 years.

Fathers, parents - just as you relish in your parents love, do the same for your children. :-)

The Best Video of All Time.

2011-06-18T02:18:00.001-05:00

No words needed.

School is Over. I am Done.

2011-05-31T11:49:00.004-05:00

I got my masters and my life back.

Fuck yea.

Living With This Thing Called Depression

2011-03-28T19:07:00.006-05:00

I hear it a lot:

Just leave the house, it will make you feel better.
Let's go to a party.
Get your hair cut.
Come on, let's go watch a movie.
Hey, wanna go out to 6th?
I'm having a get together at my house - wanna come?

Here is the thing - I have been fighting with depression for years. I think back and I don't think it really started until I was in college and my mother attempted to end her life. It was during this time that I myself was so devastated and confused (I was 18) that I started to get anxiety attacks and these "moments" where I was just enraged and then terribly miserable the next second. I was away from home in college, and I remember that semester I only completed 7 hours. I was upset, I was disappointed. And the funny thing about it all is that my mother never talked to me about it - she never apologized for telling me she would never forgive me for calling my family when I found her almost dead in my grandfather's bed. She didn't talk to me when we picked her up from the hospital, her clothes covered in this gray carbon-looking liquid. We didn't talk about it.

Depression can affect people differently. When it happens to me, I just feel miserable. And sad. I am in a sad slump. And the sad thing is that once you are in that little slump, there really isn't much you can do to get out of it other than just ride it out. But oftentimes, when you are in that slump, the last thing you want to do is leave your cave. I don't know what triggers it, it just pops out of nowhere. My Catch-22 is that I feel so lonely and so sad, yet I don't want to be in the company of others - I just want to be alone. Pretty much defeats the purpose right? But amongst people suffering from depression, it makes sense. The things that used to bring just a little bit of joy in my life - exercise, drinking with my best friends, bowling, watching my nephew play soccer - these things no longer give me the motivation to leave my house. I don't find any reason to do anything because I know it will not make me feel better. Nothing helps. I can sit and stare outside into the world for hours. I see small children playing in the streets and I get worse. I see a couple, holding hands and laughing and I feel worse. I see people doing their day-to-day thing at the grocery store, at school, at work, at the gym - and it makes me feel like shit. Perhaps that is why I feel like my cave is my sanctuary - it shields me from triggers that impede my "getting better".

Depression is not a weakness. It is an illness. Please don't judge those who suffer from it. Please be understanding that not everyday is a ray of fucking sunshine. Sometimes, there are a series of days that smell like shit and look like the devil's ass. Be kind to one another.

Image: Smashing Magazine

This is me today.

2011-03-28T11:16:00.002-05:00

Regrets

2011-03-27T21:35:00.003-05:00

Regrets. We all have them, eh? Some deal with money, others with love, others with family. I must say that I have my fair share of regrets, mostly with people I have dated. But some of the biggest mistakes I have made in my life, which I thought as a regret, have become more of a blessing in disguise.

I moved to Austin almost eight years ago. I was 22. I didn't move here because I found a job or because it was my hometown - I moved here because my boyfriend at the time asked me to move in with him in Austin where he found a job. I did. My relationship with him was toxic, emotionally abusing, bipolar, miserable. I wish I could say "oh yea, but we had some good times too!", but no....that wasn't the case. He kicked me out three times during our relationship - two of these times I had to move back to my hometown four hours away because I didn't know anybody. I had finally found a job and so when he kicked me out the third time, I found my own place in this shitty apartment complex in East Austin where I could rent a 500 sqft apartment for $400 a month.

At first, I regretted ever moving to Austin for a fucking douchebag. But I stayed and I eventually found a good job and good friends. And this semester I will be living out a dream - graduating with my masters in Civil Engineering at the motherfucking University of Texas.

There are many regrets, still, that I do have. Like slicing the shit out of my arm, almost getting married, and not going out more often when I was younger. Guess peppering in a few regrets in life puts the lessons learned and good choices in perspective.

Getting Back On The Fitness Bandwagon

2011-01-04T16:30:00.005-06:00

So, my fat ass will finally be hitting the gym!! I had some issues with my feet in the past few months - turned out I have bunions - which made my impact workouts pretty painful. Plus add to that school and work, which left me with practically no time to hit the gym. However, I'm back in town and I will be getting some old lady bunion insoles tomorrow, so yay for me! I've been wanting to start jogging again so here I go with the conditioning. I prefer jogging with nature, but there are days when a treadmill must do.

But forget about that! I found a wonderful playlist website to pump you up for whatever type of workout you want to do.

In The Gym.Net (http://www.inthegym.net/) - I'm sure this has been around for a long time, but I just discovered it so it is news to me. What I dig about this site is that you can listen to the playlist before hunting down the songs on the playlist. The widget is from Grooveshark (which I have been using for a while now), so you can listen free. The website includes all types of playlists, from metal to hip-hop. I've gotten a few songs to compile my own playlist - I feel so hip!

Enjoy :-)

Image source: markstivers.com

School + Two Jobs = No Posts

2011-01-04T16:00:00.002-06:00

Sigh....well lookey here. It's been over a year since I have posted anything. I guess that's what happens when you work two jobs and go to school. The good news is that I'll be done this semester, Dog willing!!

More shit to come!

I found some interesting shit while I was away....

2009-11-22T11:50:00.003-06:00

I'm not young and hip like the kids these days, so I am a little slow to finding some funny shit on the internet. But I did manage to become a loyal visitor to three sites since I've been gone. Now courtesy before these fine gems:

1.ManBabies
Holy shit, how long has this been around? The concept of this site sounds kinda stupid - you have a picture of daddy and baby doing baby and daddy things, only you photoshop and switch the heads so that baby has daddys body and vice versa. And you think to yourself "So?" Um....yeah this is some funny shit. It had me and Jason crying at the office - that crying when you laugh so hard, not as in I kicked Jason in the gut crying. It's kinda creepy but the funny overshadows the creepy so you'll be okay.

2. People of Walmart

This is pretty freaking hilarious. All I have to say is that I make sure to carry a camera with me on my excursions to the local Walmart. You never know what treasures lie.

3. Totally Looks Like....
This blog is a child to the ICanHazCheeseburgers site, but I just found it a few weeks ago. Ever wonder "Huh.....Sam Cassell totally looks like E.T.?!?!"? Yeah, odds are you'd probably find some comparison here.

Long Time No See

2009-11-22T11:32:00.004-06:00

My last post was back in August or September I believe, and I have good reason for those of you that care :-)

This past year, I did something I have been wanting to do for a long time - go back to school. I decided that enough was enough and I sold my ass to get accepted into grad school at the University of Texas at Austin. I am now a graduate student working on my masters in civil engineering. I am still working at my job as a project manager, still managing my two projects.

Now due to my ass-selling abilities, I also scored a job at the research campus as a research assistant. Three big perks: 1) I am doing research work on the projects I manage at my office; 2)I score some decent UT employee discounts; and 3) my tuition is paid for by the school. Holla!

However, I have encountered a few drawbacks to working two jobs (not like 80 hours a week but over full time) and going to school is that I rarely have time to mope around or do fun stuff like go to the gym. Second drawback is that I am really tired - by Friday I am running out of steam. Third drawback - I am stressed out pretty bad most of the time. The bad thing about working part time at my old job is that everyone expects for me to get shit done like I was working full time. That means I had to learn to be more productive AND I have to get shit done in X amount of hours instead of >40 hours like the good old days. And that's pretty stressful.

However, the good thing is that this doesn't last forever. Finals are around the corner and I will have a good month with no classes. Also, working at the lab has helped me "release" a lot of pent-up stress and anger by breaking stuff and just doing things that I have always wanted to do. Also, I feel much more knowledgeable in my job - when before, as a manager, I learned enough to get by, now I am learning the intricate details and knowing how shit gets done from research to my desk to the boss. I feel like I have more control over my projects.

Well, enough of this ranting for the one person that reads my blog. Now that I finally budged and got internet at the house AND an iPhone, get ready to hear more of me. Sit down, Jason, you can stop cheering now :-)

Healthcare

2009-08-21T17:19:00.004-05:00

Alrighty - as of late, there have been a lot of asses running around without their heads (no pun intended) screaming some of the most bull of shit I have heard about the new Health Care Bill. I'm no expert, but I can smell bullshit when I see it.

Let's take for example the smackdown Barney Frank laid on the "Obama-is-Hitler" lady earlier this week:

These are the kind of nuts that just spew hateful shit just for the sake of stirring the pot and scaring everyone.

Next, good ol Betsy. She was on the Jon Stewart show last night. Now, even I know that if you are going to go head-to-head with Jon Stewart, you better come prepared. Showing up in all your glory with a 400 page document is not going to cut it sweetie - you are not Megan Fox. Just....just watch:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 1

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Healthcare Protests

I am NOT an expert on the bill, but BUT I know that this end-of-life consultation is NOT REQUIRED. NOT REQUIRED. In other words, no one is going to force Granny to talk to a doctor about how to kill herself by Christmas. No one is going to run over grandma. I read the pages that Betsy keeps citing, and NO WHERE in the pages she cites does it say that it will be MANDATORY for the elderly to participate in end-of-life consults. In fact, in makes amendments to Medicare to provide more coverage for the elderly. The Examiner provides a great article to this "Page 425" (a.k.a. The Magic Bullet of the Health Care Reform Bill) right here.

People, please do yourselves a favor: Don't sucummb to the idiocracy of Sarah Palin spewing Death Panel bullshit and don't listen to this dumb broad. Read the bill for yourself, inform yourself and make your own decision.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE ENTIRE BILL IN PDF. Thank me later.

And for shits, lets' see Jon bodyslam Betty again:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 2

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Healthcare Protests

UPDATE: Betsy Resigned. Gee, wonder why?

Falling Slowly

2009-06-10T18:09:00.002-05:00

I watched Once. I re-heard this song again today. It was like I just heard a ghost.

Let the song speak for itself.

Bunnies!!!

2009-05-26T21:27:00.013-05:00

The ultimate treasure I found in my backyard this weekend:

BABY

BUNNIES!!!

Video below of us running around like idiots chasing the bunnies and laughing and "oh my god baby bunnies how cute wowowowow!!!"

My Biggest Fear of All

2009-05-21T21:44:00.003-05:00

We all have things we fear in life, and I have several of them - my house getting broken into, my cats dying, an accidental pregnancy, hell even losing a limb. But tonight, I came face to face with my biggest, most horrendous fear of them all - COCKROACHES.

I was watching TV, minding my own business when I hear my cat playing with something. I thought it was one of those damned beetle-looking bugs that hang out around the light outside my house, but upon further inspection I saw that she was playing with a cockroach - and it was STILL ALIVE. Its little legs twitching *shudders*. I yelled at her, and what does she do? She grabs the damn thing with her mouth and runs under my bed with it. By this point, the fear really set it. I'm screaming like a maniac, I'm running around my house not knowing what it God's name I am going to do, and the tears come - uncontrollable sobbing. My chest and my arms begin to hurt and I'm thinking "great, heart attack here it comes". It's under my bed and both cats are playing with it. I call the only person that understands my deathly fear of them - my mother. Good 'ol mom, knowing exactly my love for these fucking things, is able to calm me down. And like a good roach scardey cat, there is no Raid.

People that have lived with me know that I am terrified, horrified by the sight of a roach, even a dead one. I mean, I'm okay with the sight of spiders, snakes, even bees, but roaches are a whole different game. As a kid, I grew up in an old house, and those bastards were everywhere. I think the fear really set in when I heard my aunt in our bathroom, yelling, and I ran in to find a fucking roach FLYING over her head. Some people don't understand or get it, but if you've ever seen someone deathly afraid of clowns react when they see one, that's me - only with roaches. I was crying to my mom, and it took every dram of courage to step foot into my bedroom and look under the bed. I don't know where it is right now - both cats are still under the bed but I don't know what happened to the spawn of Satan.

The non-medical name for the phobia of roaches is Blattodephobia (which in some circles is considered a made-up name). I know eventually I will have to somehow deal with it because I live alone and I will encounter them again ALONE. But tonight, it will remain under my bed, until one of the cats decides to leave it on my pillow when I wake as a nice present.

(for my own sanity, I decided to leave this post roach-image free. Instead, here is a picture of some kittehs)

Happy Earth Day Hippies!!!

2009-04-22T12:00:00.003-05:00

Happy Earth Day! Go hug a tree, use your phone at the airport to scan your boarding pass, talk dirty to a gardenia plant, f printing out those TPS reports, and play hookey to lie out in the sun and enjoy the glory of the planet.

Image: caglecartoons.com

Let me clear my throat.

2009-04-22T11:51:00.002-05:00

Can I just say how much it really, REALLY pisses me off that people are getting 8 grand for free for buying a house? Fucking housing stimulus shit. I thought I got a pretty good deal for getting my house last year, AS IN 2008 - got me a nice tax credit, $7500 interest free loan that I can pay back in 15 years, yeah life aint that bad. Then the fucking shit hits the goddamn fan - anyone buying a house in 2009 GETS 8 GRAND FOR FUCKING FREE. Are you shitting me? Are you fucking shitting me? Why do these asshats get a free check and I'm the idiot having to pay back $7500 bucks because I missed the mark by 2 months? Am I the only one that feels jipped? I have to fucking constantly hear it OVER AND OVER for the next 7-8 months - "Oh lookey I bought a house and I got 8 grand for free!!" and I get the fucking urge to stab the person in the eye. I feel jipped. I am pissed. I don't want to hear about your fucking free money you asshole - unless you want to get an earload from me.

fuckshitcuntmotherfuckerihatethisshitdammittoshitforhell!!

/rant

Death's Approach

2009-04-03T11:40:00.003-05:00

I am not prepared, nor do I know how to prepare myself for death's approach. My grandfather's health is taking a gradual turn for the worst, and I do not know how to prepare myself for his passing. My intent is to make the 4-hour journey back home as often as I can to see him and my grandmother more.

I was raised in the same household as my grandparents. My mother, as young as she was when she divorced my dad, left my abusive father and came to live with her parents. I slept in the same bed with my mother and grandmother until I grew too big. I spent everyday with my grandparents in "our" house in Laredo, a small house filled with so many memories and love. My grandfather and I didn't have the best of relationships - he was a hard, tough man. I always felt that I was singled out as the grandchild without a father, the different one, and I often sensed the difference. Nonetheless, when I got older and left to college, our relationship softened, grew a little more palatable. About a year ago, I saw him cry because I was going back home to Austin and he missed me. And as luck would have it, now that I feel like our relationship is one of love and trust, I can see death's hand approaching.

I know I am being selfish for not wanting to let him go, at the time that I can honestly say I want to get closer to him, get to know him. Part of me is terrified of seeing my grandmother lose her husband shortly after her sister passed. I am terrified of it being my mother that finds him gone. How does one prepare for the inevitable? All I can try to do is see him, see my grandmother, spend more time with them as often as I can. I want to be there for him in any way that I can, be there for my grandmother and my mother, but damn the distance, there is only so much that I can do.

Stay strong Chief - I will be here for you and I love you.

Superstitious Much?

2009-03-30T14:54:00.008-05:00

Ok, raise your hand if your grandma has ever cured you of "el ojo"? No one? Damn....so maybe my family IS a little weird for praying over me while running a cold egg through my body. I have come to realize that, um, not everyone's granny does this sorta thing outside of the confines of our town. Maybe it's our Mexican-American culture mixed in with the Catholic upbringing that makes all of this "the norm" in my hometown. Nonetheless, the facial expressions that I encounter while talking about some of our superstitions and old wives tales is priceless. No, my grandma is not a curandera. But she could be :)

El Ojo (a.k.a. The Evil Eye) - Mom says I have it pretty strong at times. Most of the time, it is not done intentionally or maliciously (as in my case), but it could be something as simple as someone's food falling to making a baby cry. What happens is that I'll stare at my mom while she is eating the last flan in the fridge, and then it just FALLS. Or, when I am admiring someone walking down the street and they trip. Or I'll see a baby and I have to touch it, or I will give it El Ojo and it will cry and I will end up with a terrible headache. Or my tia will compliment me on my earrings without touching them, and it will break or get lost within a matter of hours. The Cure: Granny would grab an egg from the fridge and let it acclimate to room temperature while she gathered a glass of water, some a palm leaf (that the church hands out on Palm Sunday) and some red thread. She would get the egg, and would run the egg across my body as she said the Our Father five times. Then she would crack the egg in the glass of water, put some red thread in the water, and make little crosses out of the palm leaf. If I had the evil eye, the "whites" of the egg would surface and touch the crosses. Prevention: Touch whatever you think is cute, because odds are - it will cry, break or get lost. Babies in my hometown don't leave the house without "el ojo de vendado" (the deer's eye) with them at all times. The "eye" (I'm not sure if it's a real eye or not) is supposed to ward off the evil eye from those that wear it. Legend has it that babies need the protection because they are innocent and defenseless life creatures. Anyways, it looks like this, and yes I had one as a baby and my mommy still has it:

Some other superstitions/old wives tales I ran across during my childhood:

Don't put your purse on the floor because your money will run away
Cover your hair and the mirrors in the house during a lightning/thunderstorm
Put a piece of red thread on a baby's forehead to stop the hiccups
Don't point at a rainbow, or you'll get a wart on your finger
If you watch a dog pee/poop, you will get a pimple-like thing on your eye lid
If you hear a dog howl at night, it means the devil is near. Get a pair of shoes and cross them, one on top of another
Black cat crossing the street? Not good - you're screwed.

I'm sure there are more, but I wonder what other "cultural superstitions" there are?

Image Source: cookingfire.com

Dusting off the 'ol camera eye

2009-03-26T20:39:00.006-05:00

Oh Jason, you minx!

My good friend Jason showed me his blog today - such a smart and extremely talented cat. And he is an amazing photographer too. AMAZING. Check out his stuff here.

Looking at Jason's photographs made me yearn for the days of old when I was trying my eyes out at photography. I didn't make it too far - I had a cheap ass Fuji camera, took my ass to Goliad and Pettus and took nice pictures of abandoned buildings and old school churches/missions. So I started digging around for those pictures and Jesus on a cracker THAT WAS IN AUGUST OF '06. Wow. It's been THAT long? I'm posting up on here some of my favorites that I took (and framed) during that wonderfully hot summer day:

Anyhoot, I really miss doing this. And I keep saying that there are beautiful places I keep running into that I want to photograph, and I think now is a good time to get back into it. Hopefully my lazy behind will get in gear and I will show all two of you what I have been up to :-)

The Summer of Tool??

2009-03-26T20:10:00.005-05:00

Oh man, I was just talking to my friend Matt about my obsession, psycho obsession with one of my favorite bands of all time TOOL. My metalhead boyfriend in high school introduced me to Tool when I was a wee teenager, and holy hell my life changed. In college, I became one of those obsessed fans, engulfed to the point where I got depressed and couldnt listen to their music after seeing them live. I saw them 4x during the Lateralus tour (passed out in the pit in one of those shows) and I even got to meet Danny (the drummer) backstage at the Eugene show. See, security got mad because I tried to take a picture of Maynard and Adam when they were leaving the venue, they tried to take my camera away and was led to the security office, which HAPPENED TO BE BACKSTAGE. Good times. It was such a great, yet sad time in my life.

Fast forward to today - I decided to take a tour down their website only to see THIS:

Ok, I wasn't able to see my boys (Adam, especially) during the 10,ooo Days tour because the first show was postponed, and the two other times they came into town I was traveling for work (dammit!). Well, it looks like they MAY be touring again. And holy hell, the little metalhead raving psycho fan in me just pissed in her shorts.

Will keep all two of you updated with any news. Adam, baby, mommy is coming to see you play!

Iron and Wine - Naked.

2009-03-25T16:00:00.004-05:00

Alright, not in the buff, but I like to see "acoustic" versions of songs as the naked versions. You get to hear and feel the real deal - the bare rhythm and strums of guitar strings, the raw lyrics on a plate, the tender and melodic voice of your singer. Here, my friends, I present to you Iron and Wine - naked.

The Shepherd's Dog is one hell of an album. And they ripped off its clothes and laid it down in a field of grass and dandelions, only to have it shine in the sun and transform into this beautiful acoustical album. And I am here to tell all two of you that you can get this for free at their website:

http://www.ironandwine.com/home.htm

Enjoy.

This beats the GoogleMap's kitty

2009-03-04T10:56:00.002-06:00

God, the things you find on the internet.

Below, you will find a GoogleMap link to a street called Sampsonia Way in Pittsburgh. Do the following and tell me what you see:

Click here for the map
Put it on Street View
Scroll to your left just a tad.
Laugh.

De nada :-)

Sigur Rós at the Museum of Modern Art

2009-03-04T09:49:00.004-06:00

I know, a little late to the game here :-(

So last night I was going through the TV, since there is NOTHING to watch when you are at your most bored - and I saw THIS. I got up from bed and screamed like a tween upon catching a glimpse of Hannah Montana - I was like "Oh my god oh wow wow oh my god its Sigur Fucking Rós!!" Here is a performance of Sigur Rós at the Museum of Modern Art in New York last August. Yeah I know, as in August of 2008. It's okay though - timeless music is just that. Timeless.

Yeah, back in the morbid-misery filled days of my life a few years ago, I LOVED and delighted in listening to what I liked to call "wrist-slicing music" - and my boss sent me home along with two albums that would open my mind to some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard in my life. Sigur Rós is an Icelandic band, delighting us with music composed of angelic, cloudlight melodies, silk laced string instruments, and bestowing us with the voice of an angel. Ever heard a seraphim sing? No? Well, today is your lucky day :-)

On a personal note, I fight back the tears when I listen to their music. So cry with me - here are some of their tunes :-)

Image Source: NYMag

New Neko Case

2009-03-03T15:16:00.003-06:00

The extremely talented and gorgeous creature that is Neko Case released a new album today, called Middle Cyclone . I remember seeing her for the first time ever a few years ago at La Zona Rosa - I was mesmerized by her voice, her beauty and her incredible music. With lyrics like "I've waited with a glacier's patience" and "The next time you say forever I will punch you in your face - just because you don't believe it doesnt mean I didnt mean it" - paired with hauntingly echoic guitar riffs, this album seems to carry the theme of love and sorrow of losing it. The bittersweet double sided sword that is Love.

You can listen to her new album on NPR (here). It's pretty amazing.

The best news EVER!

2009-02-27T07:54:00.005-06:00

Word has been going around about the IronMan sequel, the new f'ing AVENGERS movie, and now lookie here - Samuel "Motherfucking" Jackson has signed on to NINE - count 'em - NINE future Marvel films. Wanna know what awesomeness is coming in store for us?

Ironman 2
Thor
Captain America
The Avengers
Possibility of a S.H.I.E.L.D. movie!
And sequels to some of these movies

Ironman 2 is somewhat in the works at the moment -Robert Downey Jr. (Tony Stark/Ironman), Gwyneth Paltrow (Pepper Potts), Sam Rockwell (to Play Justin Hammer), and Don Cheadle (to replace Terrence Howard as Rhodey) have seem to confirmed their participation in the sequel. Mickey Rourke and Tim Robbins seem to still be in negotiations or maybe it's just rumor that they will be in the movie?

So far, only Robert Downey Jr. and Don Cheadle are showing up as confirmed for The Avengers movie (although it was only announced a few months ago that it was indeed a go). As for Thor, not much has come out other than Kenneth Branagh will be directing the flick.

This beats "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Confessions of a Shopaholic" that I've seen lately. I know, throw a shoe at me.
Image Source: Examiner.com

How do you let go when you're not ready?

2009-02-04T11:15:00.002-06:00

Yeah well here I am again. Seems that boyfriend and I may be calling it quits sometime soon. I am and have never been good at letting things go when there is nothing left. I don't know if there is anything left to hold on to - somedays there seems to be a reason and other days not so much. I'm not ready to let him go, but I can't be selfish either. I hate this shit. I'd rather get an enema than have to go through another fucking breakup.

And I always go through the "what did I do wrong, what could I have done differently" route when its breakup time, which is never good. I just hope that when it happens, I'll be stronger than the last one. I still have the scars on my arm to remind me.

Suggestions?

Yelle

2009-01-31T12:49:00.003-06:00

Sigh...it's been a while since I posted some music on here. My boss sent me a few albums via his bro in San Fran - and these bitches captured my heart.

Yelle is a hip electropop fun fun band from the land of France. Their sound is catchy and running-through-the-fields-of-Denmark happy! And they sing in French. I have no idea what they are saying, but I'm sure it has something to do with my awesome dance moves.

Here are a few tunes - enjoy!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any pulled muscles, sprained toes or embarassment if caught busting a move.

Image Source: sketchytown.com

The Dreaded February 17 Switch has now become the Dreaded June 12 Switch

2009-01-27T11:11:00.003-06:00

I was kinda getting a kick out of all these people freaking out about the analog to digital conversion next month. About a week ago, one of the dudes from MyFoxAustin (the poor Austin man's version of the Today Show) was interviewing this cat about the switcharoo, and he flat out asked him who is making money off this shit. Conspiracy theory time - I know! It's Samsung, because this whole digital hoopla helped me buy a new TV and I picked this really awesome Samsung TV where you can get live feeds via a USB wireless router thing, and the damn thing is on backorder nationally.

Anyway before I get off topic yet again, the switcheraoo has been delayed to JUNE 12. Great. Now I have to hear about this whole converter bullshit for another four months. Just do it already! My TVs need HD!!

So....how long is it?

2009-01-27T11:00:00.004-06:00

These are probably the coolest gloves I have seen, ever. Unfortunately, you can't find them at Home Depot, but you can at UpToYouToronto. This is actually pretty cool until someone stretches the shit out of them, and the gloves are no longer accurate.

See? After you or your man are done doing the fixin's around the house, you can use these to measure the fun stuff.

Too bad they are sold out :-(

Directv can kiss my fat ass!

2009-01-27T10:49:00.005-06:00

Note: Directv will screw you OVER.

If you happen to become a brand new customer (like me!) and you get your # of receivers, just know that if you want to upgrade and or add one more, you will have to shell out the money to BUY ONE. BUY ONE. Yeah, the cash you dropped when you first got the account to "buy" the first receiver is actually the LEASE COST of the receiver for the duration of the contract.

I just bought a new HD TV and wanted to upgrade my standard receiver to an HD receiver - only to find out that I would have to RETURN the standard one (the one I "paid" for, mind you) and go out and buy the one I want at Best Buy for like 200 FUCKING DOLLARS. It makes no sense, right? And it wasn't like I was going to be reimbursed for the amount of time that I will no longer be "leasing" the standard receiver - that money is GONE.

Oh, and don't fall for buying some receivers on Craigslist - we tried that. Only to find out that the receivers were still "activated" on the previous account, and the only way that they can be deactivated is if the previous owner did so AND returned the receiver to Directv. Oh, and just incase you do happen to stumble upon a deactivated receiver, you would need to buy a new account card from them.

Sigh....and I thought TimeWarner was bad.

Stupid Shit on Craigslist

2008-12-18T14:00:00.002-06:00

Let me begin by saying that I have bought/sold stuff on Craigslist and it really is a great place to "shop" for used shit you need. However, every so often, I come across a posting where I ask myself "Who the HELL would buy something like that?!?!" Here, in all its glory, is one such item:

Nightmare Before Christmas Wreath

I've never seen The Nightmare Before Christmas, but its on my Blockbuster queue, so I will eventually. The movie looks pretty cool, but I am not judging the movie - my question is are there people out there that would pay TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS for a wreath? I'm hoping its a typo and the seller meant $20, I'm hoping. What could I do with $200? Let's see....

Buy ~200 double cheeseburgers
Buy a used washer or dryer on Craigslist
Get that garage door opener I've been wanting
Finally buy a digital camera to replace the one I lost
Replace the tile in my kitchen

Did you know....

2008-12-18T13:26:00.004-06:00

The symbol on the pound key (#) is called an octothorpe?

Just In Time for the Holidays!

2008-12-18T10:08:00.003-06:00

So the holidays are almost upon us, but most of us will suffer from the inevitable HOLIDAY HANGOVER. Whether it be from too much egg nog or champagne or jungle juice, it really sucks waking up from the worst hangover of your life (they all feel like that, btw). Goodie for us is a list of "hangover" cures from around the world, our little holiday present from National Geographic. Granny always told me to drink a bit of what got me drunk to cure my hangover - which seems insane given the LAST thing you want is the evil that got you into this mess.
I prefer spaghetti and Diet Coke, but beer, fish and shrimp seems to work well for other folks. Now you have options when you feel like you look :-)

Beaujolais Nouveau

2008-11-20T14:20:00.005-06:00

I just learned about the beauty of this wine, Beaujolais Nouveau, which is made once a year (duh) and not to be released any earlier than the 3rd Thursday of November.

"At one past midnight on the third Thursday of each November, from little villages and towns like Romanèche-Thorins, over a million cases of Beaujolais Nouveau begin their journey through a sleeping France to Paris for immediate shipment to all parts of the world. Banners proclaim the good news: Le Beaujolais Nouveau est arrivé! "The New Beaujolais has arrived!" One of the most frivolous and animated rituals in the wine world has begun."

The wine also symbolizes to many the end of the harvest and the beginning of the holiday season. Also, each bottle runs you about 5-8 bucks. I will definitely be trying this baby out this Thanksgiving!

Also check out these two sites (here and here) for a history on the wine.

Image courtesy of Suntory.com

Sigh

2008-11-20T11:43:00.002-06:00

Finally got back to writing on this blog. Lots has happened since my last post - I'm a homeowner, I've moved, I'm broke and I'm motherless. BUT the American people (or electorate, for that matter) have spoken and our next president will be none other than Mr. Barack Obama. What a fine, fine night that was.

So, now that I have successfully "found" internet at home, I will try and update the blog as much as I can. :-)

PUSSY!!!

2008-09-24T15:01:00.003-05:00

John McTaint has requested that tomorrow's debate be postponed to focus on the economy. Dude, we're not your Claymates - we know what's up. This is bullshit and if anything, THANKS for fucking up your credibility even more! Obama should say "Na Uh" to his ass and demand he show up to be schooled properly and dryly tomorrow on the debate stage. Bitch, we are not going to fall for this shit - if you're so worried about the damn economy, how about giving up one of your FUCKING NINE HOUSES to some of the folks that have lost theirs? Yeah, this announcement coming the day we all find out Sarah is a hussy.

Please, for the love of God and all that is holy - I hope that Obama bitch slapps this man and tells him to show up.

Sarah Palin is the Antichrist - Part 3

2008-09-24T14:42:00.003-05:00

Ok take this with a grain of salt, but rumor has it she cheated on her husband. Eh, ok. This wouldn't be too much of a problem if she wasn't on her religious and moral high fucking horse all the time, telling us all how to live our lives and forcing her daughter to marry a man she doesn't love, which may end up cheating on her anyways.

What a hussy.

Source: Gawker

Sarah Palin is the Antichrist - Part 2

2008-09-24T08:44:00.005-05:00

Nowadays, with bloggers and wannabes like me, it is EXTREMELY difficult to say something and not have one single person catch it and post it online. You can find almost anything online - notes and pictures found in random places, how to be spanked properly, how to make cocaine - and you can most certainly backtrack shit people have said to the media and/or in front of millions. Like Sarah Palin. Like when she lied. About a lot of stuff.

Like here.

The Twelve Lies of Sarah Palin:

1. The Bridge to Nowhere.
2. Firing her town librarian and the police chief of her town.
3. Getting her ex-bro in law fired.
4. Climate Change.
5. Alaska and her contribution to our nation's oil and gas production.
6. Asking her daughters for permission to run for VP.
7. Constructing a natural gas pipeline from Alaska.
8. Obama.
9. How she loves the Gays.
10. Using a teleprompter.
11. Her pay-cut.
12. The polar bears.

Wake up.

Today's Appearance from Captain Obvious!

2008-09-24T08:38:00.005-05:00

Yeah, like we all didn't know. Ok, maybe except the Gayken fans. Oooooooo, somewhere, Kathy Griffin just creamed in her pants and is clapping in excitement!

Source: People

More obvious pictures:

Jazz Hands!

You have 4 women (ok, Whoopi doesn't count) on their knees and not one of them is near your crotch

Evidence

Gay Leprechaun on Broadway - I don't need to say more

Only a gay man would love Tyra this much.

Reason #418 Why Bruce Dickinson Kicks Ass

2008-09-15T21:39:00.003-05:00

Brucey to the rescue!!

So what I understand is that a crapload of British vacationers got stranded due to the collapse of a travel company - seriously, there were just stranded in areas over Europe and other travel destinations on that side of the pond. Since my baby Brucey is a licensed pilot, he got called to help rescue the travelers and bring them back safe to the UK.

When Iron Maiden tours, Bruce flies their own plane, which is awesomely named Ed Force One. Ha!

R.I.P. Richard Wright

2008-09-15T21:37:00.001-05:00

Thank you for some of the most beautiful music these two ears have ever heard. Hope you're living it up in that big gig in the sky.

Ladies of Alaska

2008-09-15T21:33:00.004-05:00

Looks like I am not alone in my heavenly dream of exposing Sarah Palin for the hypocrite she is.

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

http://laurainak.blogspot.com/

Hurricane Ike

2008-09-12T19:26:00.001-05:00

I'm out. Y'all be careful out there!

Sarah Palin is the Antichrist - Part 1

2008-09-12T19:01:00.003-05:00

Seen this picture before?

Apparently, there are a lot of stupid people, stupid WOMEN even, associating Sarah motherfuckin' Palin with Rosie the Riveter. Yes, that feminist and empowering icon for women everywhere is now being splashed around with Palin's face on poor Rosie. What the fuck has this world come to?

First of all, Rosie the Riveter - during the second world war, she represented the six million women that ditched the kitchen and went to work in factories to produce a bunch of shit for our military men. This icon secreted feminism, secreted the power that women can have in this country, that we can be equal, that yes - WE CAN DO IT.

Second of all, to compare Palin with Rosie is a fucking slap in the face to women that were "Real Rosies" during WWII. How fucking blind do women have to be that they can't see that this woman has absolutely NO REGARD for women's rights? Oh, she may be the first woman VP, so yes, let's back her up? Um, hello does anyone remember Hilary Clinton? Are you fucking kidding me?

So why do I believe that Palin is the AntiRosie? For one thing, she is utterly 10000% PRO-LIFE. Meaning, she and McCain will appoint Justicies that THEY KNOW will overturn Roe V. Wade. Meaning, women in this country will no longer have a choice over their uterus. Women will no longer have a right to get an abortion, for whatever reason. Now, I am NOT Pro-Life, and I do not condone abortions, but I do believe in a WOMEN'S RIGHT to CHOOSE. I've never had an abortion and I will never judge someone who has had it, nor will I make the choice for the next gal to NEVER GET ONE LEGALLY.

Why else? Well, let me ask you this - as a woman, would you be sensitive to the needs of another woman who has just gotten raped? What if a friend of yours has just been raped, and you take her to the hospital, only to ask her to reimburse you for the cabfare? What kind of friend would you be? I can tell you what kind of person you would be - you'd be like Palin. Why? Well, as govenor, Palin approved to cut spending by letting, nay, making it law that rape victims pay for their own rape kit. Yeah, not shitting you.

"Palin, as mayor, fired police chief Irl Stambaugh and replaced him with Charlie Fannon, who with Palin's knowledge, slashed the budget for the exams and began charging the city's victims of sexual assault. The city budget documents demonstrate Palin read and signed off on the new budget."

I feel for the poor teenagers that got raped by idiots that were not only traumatized by the event, now humiliated by having to pay for their own goddamn rape exam. Real way to be there for a woman you bitch.

And last, but not least - God help you if you are a poor unwed teenage mother in Alaska, because honey - your governor aint gonna help you for shit. Oh, she will defend your FETUS till her dying day, but once that baby is born, you are BOTH on your fucking own. Good luck. While in office, not only did Palin approve budget cuts allowing rape victims to pay for their own rape exam, she also cut her budget by cutting funding for programs helping young mothers and their babies.

So, I feel for you, women of Alaska. Because if there is one thing you don't want to be in Alaska is a raped poor woman, or a young unwed pregnant teen - oh, unless you're Sarah Palin's daughter. Then you're all good.

Cuddles!

Bill O'Reilly and Karl Rove are fucking HYPOCRITES - SURPRISE!!!

2008-09-04T15:12:00.002-05:00

Sigh...I love Jon Stewart. This should be standard viewing for each and every American out there. Republicans are hypocrites??? You don't SAY!! Liars?? NO WAY!

Mom wants to know what I think of Sarah Palin - I told her it doesn't really matter because I'd rather stab my vagina with a hot poker than vote for McCain.

Obama-Biden '08

2008-08-25T11:31:00.003-05:00

He's done it - he chose his VP - Joe Biden. Finally, someone to rip McCain the new asshole he deserves. Even though this wasn't the person I thought he would pick, it makes sense. He has what Obama "lacks" (according to McTaint) - experience, age, foreign policy know-how. I'm actually excited to see who McTaint picks now - it's gonna be tough to beat these two. Liberman? In my dreams!!!

And how about the speech he made? One of the things McTaint milks is the fact that he is a POW - now, I am NOT understating the importance and the courageousness of POWs everywhere, but Biden put it well when he said "These times require more than a good soldier. They require a wise leader." McTaint, if anything, was a good soldier and he defended this country, which is probably the only good thing I can say about it, and it is a VERY good thing. But these stabs he keeps making about Obama being a celebrity, a Paris-Hilton'esque persona - he is just making Obama out to be the dude that is going to win the "Most Popular" title in this election. Now we know why Obama has been quiet, laying in the shadows - he has Biden to give McTaint hell without compromising his reputation. Sneaky? Maybe. Smart? Yes.

I don't want to get married

2008-08-20T12:56:00.011-05:00

My best friend is getting married next year, and I am her maid of honor. I was supposed to get married, but that didn't happen. With all the wedding stuff that has been going on for my friend, this one question seems to linger as we look at frog candles and wedding favors - why did I want to get married?

I am not criticizing my friend for getting married - that has been the ultimate relationship she has always wanted and ultimately deserves. Her reasons for getting married may be different from the next marriage, but the point is that the man she is marrying is her best mate.

But what about me? Why did I want to get married? Sure, I dreamed of growing old with someone, having children, spending the rest of my days with someone I loved and wanted to be around - I wanted comfort, love, and happiness in the form of the ultimate man. But does that have to include marriage?

Well, first of all, let's define marriage. The sage of all sages, Wiki, says:

"Marriage is a personal union of individuals...Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships (usually intimate and sexual) are acknowledged by the state or by religious authority. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction."

Ok, I get the whole "personal union of individuals", but it seems to be that marriages tend to be state-sanctioned or religiously sanctioned. A contract? Wow, I never really saw marriage as a contract, but I guess when you take the romance out of it, that's really what it is. Behind the beautiful white dress and the sparkly platinum wedding band, underneath that all lies a contract, vowing your eternal love and fidelity to this one person, always and forever, TILL DEATH DO YOU PART.

It's not that I don't want to get married because I don't want to stay faithful to one person for the rest of my life - but because I don't want the romance taken out of it. I know it doesn't make much sense, but hear me out. I don't think that a legal and binding contract needs to be involved in the whole "I want to spend the rest of my life with Brad Pitt" process. I want it to be my choice, I want to be in a life-long commitment but without the contract, without the state, without my church - just me and Brad. Forever.

Also, let's look at the fact that almost half of all marriages end in divorces - why? I am no expert, but I think that people in marriages become unhappy when they feel they are TRAPPED in one. I don't want to be trapped with someone because that piece of paper tells me to - I want to have the choice to unchoose who I want to be with and vice versa. And I want to have the choice to stick with someone because I love them, not because that piece of paper tells me so. That's where the romance comes in.

To me, a life-long commitment equals the marriage minus the contract. I think that once Brad and I give ourselves the choice to want to be together and to unchoose each other, we won't take each other for granted. And that, to me, is the ultimate relationship I live for.

CRAPPERY ALERT - Japanese Foot Pads

2008-08-19T10:56:00.002-05:00

Sorry folks - those Japanese foot pads you've been eying at Walgreens or CVS? Well, they don't work. A laboratory in California found that there was no significant difference between the used and new pads.

So....one question....what the HELL is the brown gunk anyways? Nevermind.....I don't think I want to know.

I miss my camera

2008-08-08T16:10:00.002-05:00

Sigh. This is actually a sad topic for me. For years, YEARS, I would buy my mom the best camera to date, and I would end up with her "old" one. Well, I finally got myself a nice camera and I ended up losing it on the flight back to Austin from Key West. I don't know why, but I am so devastated :-( I miss my camera, I've dreamt about it and its gone. Gone.

I posted on craigslist, called Southwest Airlines - NOTHING. Sigh.....

Top 3 Women I'd go Lez For

2008-06-27T17:10:00.003-05:00

Ok I'm not a lezzie - I'm as straight as an Asian's hair - BUT I am a woman and I do appreciate the female form. And there are times when certain ladies of the female persuasion make me feel happy. They either birth in me a feeling of strength, admiration, lust - it's weird but I dont find anything wrong in not only wanting to be like them, but wanting them as well. Anywho, here is my list of Top 3 Women I'd Go Lez For.

1. Angelina Jolie

The Queen Bee. The Goddess. The Siren herself. For years, she has topped my list - no one, and I mean NO ONE has ever come above or before Angie. This woman not only secretes sex, lust, danger and overall badassness, she is a humanitarian. She gives. She is just fucking awesome, and I love her and I would wrestle Brad Pitt in a mudhole for her!

2. Dita Von Teese

Burlesque dancer. Again, just exudes sex, confidence and elegance. Just beautiful, gorgeous and so simple. I ADORE her.

3. Salma Hayek

Amazingly gorgeous Mexican actress. She has this classic beauty about her. Another fine example where curves supersede bones.

Push It!

2008-06-27T10:49:00.003-05:00

Um.....seriously? I mean, come on.....for real? Do you REALLY need to carry that iPod with you EVERYWHERE?

What's scary is that this thing boasts "waterproof speakers" - um. I have no more words.

And I don't WANT to know how filthy that iPod is going to be.

My new pet

2008-06-26T22:58:00.003-05:00

Meet Ikenie! Ok, the poor thing is depressed (um yea you can tell). It's not everyday you run into a somber cute thing :-)

This world just got a lilttle dumber...

2008-06-26T22:39:00.006-05:00

I knew I was a little different when I became a huge fan of George Carlin early in life....ok highschool, but given I was raised in a very conservative mexican-american town where I didn't know who Pink Floyd was or what weed looked like until I got to college. Anyways, he was definitely one of my favorite comedians because he knew what was up and told it straight out.

Religion is Bullshit

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

The Two Commandments

R.I.P. George :-(

Famous Pieces of Trash

2008-06-26T22:33:00.003-05:00

Sigh.....maybe I can become famous if I collect used condoms or reincarnate George Carlin, but apparently I never thought of collecting trash and posting it online. However, there it is, and as stupid as it looks, there is something brilliant in it.

http://www.trashlog.org/

Sweet Ride

2008-06-26T22:25:00.004-05:00

Spare me the women jokes - check out this beautiful piece of machinery!

Being Sick Sucks

2008-06-24T13:08:00.003-05:00

There is nothing worse (well, I may have to retract that at some point) than getting the flu during the fucking summer. It's hotter than the devil's asshole here in Austin, and I'm feverish, achey and coughy. Sucks major ass.

Video of the Day - Iron and Wine

2008-06-03T15:55:00.001-05:00

I saw this video on Saturday on ME and I just fell in love with it. The song and video together are just amazing.

Sex and the City - Haven't seen it? Don't read it!

2008-06-03T10:41:00.015-05:00

God, first of all, I went through SO MUCH EFFORT to avoid reading or running into spoilers of the movie. First, while the movie was shooting, there were pictures everywhere of scenes taking place and I AVOIDED them. Second, the movie just came out Friday, yet there were spoilers swarming around since Monday or so - and I went through great lengths to avoid them. Then, out of no where, one of my favorite blogs, Jezebel, did this to me:

Fucking effort down the drain. Anyways, moving on....

So the movie was all in all not that bad. Same of the old stuff, just regurgitated into today's living (iPhone, etc. - which by the way, what the hell kind of fashion icon is Carrie if she still has the same bedazzled pink cell phone that she had THREE YEARS AGO? I don't even have the same phone I had last year!). I cried, laughed, got pissed, laughed, balled and laughed again. I liked it! So shoot me!

So a few pics from the movie:

Carrie and Big get a fucking classy and huge apartment. She has to move. They are getting married. The girls decide to help Carrie pack. We see the dreaded tutu outfit:

And she "keeps" it.

Big "stands" Carrie at the altar. Kind of. He just couldnt go through the fiasco of getting married in a library. I couldn't either.

The honeymoon was supposed to be in Mexico. Instead, all 4 of them go and Carrie tries to work through this mess. It reminded me a bit of my engagement breakup (I admit I balled during this time). But all in all, the end result is that they have a good time and Charlotte shits in her pants, which makes Carrie laugh.

Carrie gets her apartment and her shit back - so she hires an assistant to help her sort through this time. Enter JenHud.

Steve cheats on Miranda. She busts his balls for months. They end up getting back together. Barf.

Charlotte gets pregnant. She gets into a fight with Big resulting in her water breaking. Drams.

Samantha is still with Smith, living in L.A. Samantha gets a dog that humps everything in sight. Sound familiar? Its a cute dog! They break up at the end though.

Stanford and the wedding planner hook up. You see! - you can hate someone's guts and still want to fuck them! And who knows? True love :-)

Ok so let's get to the REAL STAR of the movie - Samantha's neighbor, Dante. Oh lord, I would KILL for a neighbor like him. Oh, and we get to see the peep too.

His name is Gilles Marini. Actually, I don't care what his name is - here are some more pics of this fine specimen. Hellooooooo summer!!

Brought to you by Beebs. Thank me later.

Picture Pages!!!!

2008-05-17T15:26:00.003-05:00

So my friend Jason and his bird Doris were talking about stuff we used to watch as kids, and I brought up some foggy memory of watching Bill Cosby draw stuff with a magic marker, and it made all these noises when he would draw with it. Well, my buddy Jason being the genius that he is, found it on none other than YouTube!! Here's a clip:

Yeah OK Wellington looks like a crooked penis, but NO MATTER! I'm so excited to have proof that I wasn't on acid when I was a kid and making this shit up.

Check out Crosby in his Crosby sweata' - the faces he makes after he connects the two houses and the birds - that man HAD to be on something. Oh I know, I know, he was high on life, so sue me. Cosby rocks!!

Huckabee is a hypocrite

2008-05-17T15:22:00.002-05:00

Oh Mike Huckabee - this is an example of a "Christian" gone awry.

At the NRA gathering on May 16, Mr. Huckabee decided to poke a little fun at my man Obama - you know, a little assasination fun. He made a joke about Obama being assassinated when he heard a loud noise backstage while he was speaking and decided to perform a little impromptu comedy, saying the following:

"That was Barack Obama, he just tripped off a chair, he's getting ready to speak," said the former Arkansas governor, to audience laughter. "Somebody aimed a gun at him and he dove for the floor."

Think of that, this audience laughed about shooting the likely Democratic nominee for president. Thank god, pun intended, that this guy is NOT the republican rat for the race. Asshole.

Life Lesson #1

2008-05-16T09:53:00.003-05:00

No matter how pissed off you are, don't ever EVER throw your cell phone at a hard immovable object. It will break and now, not only will you be stuck with a phone that doesn't work, you have to get a new one. Next time, throw it at the bed or the cat - you know, soft objects that won't break the phone.

carry on...

Vent of the Day: Men can be such fucking idiots

2008-05-15T10:08:00.003-05:00

Jesus H, you'd think that 33 years of living, breathing, eating, and fucking women would make you an expert by now - but no. You pieces of shit think that because you are no longer in college then that means that any bimbo that crosses your path must oblige to YOUR standards because you're old and you don't have time for complications, discussions, arguments and thought-provoking conversations - which is why you have been so single for so long. That's cool yo - I wasn't the one begging for a fucking relationship - because if you can recall, I had just ended a fucking relationship when your sorry ass wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. And I'm sorry but fucking one of my friends whether we were together or not is going to bother me, especially when said "friend" is a fucking slut that I don't talk to anymore because she is the type of person that fucks around on her husband when he was locked up - OH AND GUESS WHAT you were one of them she fucked while HER HUSBAND WAS LOCKED UP. Yeah its going to bother me and the last think you need to do when I wanted to talk about it was WALK AWAY. God you men are so fucking typical - the going gets tough and you bail. At least I can take your bullshit and call you on it which makes me a better bullshit-taker, but you - anything that I spew that offends your fucking delicate nature and its bye bye. This is one ass you WONT be tapping anymore asshole.

/rant

Shopping of the Day

2008-05-14T16:43:00.005-05:00

This is the time where I browse around looking for shit I don't need but that I want others to buy me.

Cell Charm Cleaners

Look dammit - I know I don't live in Tokyo nor am I 12 years old, but I would love to have this. Anyone who smothers makeup in the morning or doesnt shower knows that makeup and ear gunk end up on your phone and it looks icky. Then again the upside to that is no one asks to borrow my phone :-)
But these are cute and functional - and not too expensive either!

I'd Like To Do This With You Notepad

Now this is kinda cool - from spooning, to getting drunk to reading poetry to making babies - when you just can't say it :-) Now I FINALLY have a way to tell my boyfreiends that I like it up the....

Panda Mug!

Too freakin cool for words!

The Republican Dream Mug

For my mom who will vote for Clinton because she is a woman, refuses to vote for Obama because he is a man, but will vote for McCain if Clinton loses. Uh - what?

My Morning Jacket on SNL

2008-05-12T11:10:00.004-05:00

I'm such a bad fan - I didn't know they were performing this past SN - I was busy straightening my hair when SNL came on and I almost creamed my pants when I heard "and musical guest My Morning Jacket!" Freaking awesome - I suck because I only got to see the first set but my genius self found ~~only ONE video (boo)~~ BOTH VIDEOS from their performance, and here I am bestowing this basket of goodness to you. Enjoy!

I'm Amazed

Evil Urges

MMJ @ Stubbs

2008-05-09T10:57:00.003-05:00

One of the best bands in the WORLD - My Morning Jacket - will be performing at Stubbs on August 24th. Tickets go on sale next Friday (05/16) at 10am sharp!!

A little MMJ for you virgins out there :-)

Funneh Kitteh - I sho u it

2008-05-01T14:21:00.002-05:00

Yay! Kitties!

Music for the Ups and Downs

2008-01-24T15:31:00.000-06:00

So now that I am going through this sucky ass engagement breakup, listening to two particular artists have helped.

When I want to feel sad and cry and pity myself, nothing says "slash your wrists" quite like the gorgeous and grey Damien Rice.

Damien Rice - Grey Room
Damien Rice - Cold Water
Damien Rice - Accidental Babies
Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter
Damien Rice - I Remember

Oh, but when the days look brighter and I need some happy music to help me lift my spirits, nothing says happy and love quite like the memorable Bob Marley. It's hard to listen to his music and be pissed at the same time.

Bob Marley - Three Little Birds
Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry
Bob Marley - Easy Skankin (for Seth)
Bob Marley - One Love

Links valid for 7 days after post

The hottest love has the coldest end

2008-01-24T15:19:00.001-06:00

Fuck that - Pookie can kiss my big fine ass. Asshole.

Well, its been a few months since I last posted. I guess what revived my desire to share my stupid ass thoughts with no one was the fact that my engagement to the man I loved ended this week. I really wanted things to work out with him, but Pookie and I had some issues we couldnt move past. In the end, it was best to go our separate ways instead of dragging through what would eventually be a painful relationship.

I guess what makes it easier is that he lived in another city and so not seeing him helps (or being used to not seeing him as often). Of course the shock of us not working out cames months before I wanted to move with him to make things work and begin our lives together. Not wearing the ring still hurts - it feels odd to feel that finger empty, its almost like a reminder of what I used to have and is no longer there. I do miss him, a lot, but I do not miss feeling left out, distant, resented and lonely. It's funny - towards the last few weeks I left lonelier than I do now. I just wished that things would've turned out better for us, because the couple we used to be was happy, glowing, in love and just....alive. The couple we became was not the couple I wanted us to be.

So I know no one reads this shit - but this is Day 3 A.P. (After.Pookie). Pookie, I miss you. I hope one day you will be happy again.

Jeez.

2007-11-07T10:10:00.000-06:00

Oh lord...I love the Wino, but she needs to pull a CatPower soon and come out of this drug den world. This has got to be the worst performance I've seen - and I'm including the drunk kareoke performances I have put on at the FlightLine in college.

And this is why you are alone. And jerking off to your mom's picture.

2007-11-07T09:36:00.000-06:00

Meet Dick. Dick is not only his name but a personification of his name as well. Dick is a dick. Dick went on Dr. Phil.

Now, I have mixed emotions about Dr. Phil, but when I was at my most miserable - unemployed, living with an asshole of a boyfriend, confined to being a proper christian woman to a man who fell for me when we were fuck buddies - Dr. Phil was my sanctuary. This was the era when my routine consisted of wake up, watch Law and Order reruns, make lunch for cunt, nap, watch Dr. Phil, watch Oprah, watch Rich Girls (how I miss that show), make dinner for cunt and then go back to my cage.

Back to Dick - here is a small clip of his appearance on Dr. Phil. So naturally I checked out his website, menarebetterthanwomen.com, choice of name probably picked by a five year old.

WOW. First off, no women are allowed on his site - bullshit because I swam through and last I checked I have a cat. Secondly, this shit is too funny. Some of his entries include "Why Women Hate Sex", "No Fat Chicks", and the classic "Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women".
Apparently, Dick has never met me or he'd never write the first article, he probably got cheated on by a "fat chick", and all women are racist, tourette-stricken whores.

I like Dick. At least he speaks his mind. But tonight, while home alone, jerking off to his mother's picture, I'm sure he will come up with brand new material for his sorry ass site. Maybe we can hook him up with Ann Coulter - oh joy! Good luck Dick!!!

Sigur Rós - New Album

2007-11-06T09:41:00.001-06:00

beautiful image by jamesjean.com

Sigur Rós released a new album today (from vaguespace.net):

Sigur Ros has a new album out today, titled Hvarf-Heim, a double EP of reworked and unreleased material. Hvarf means "disappeared" or "haven" in Icelandic, and the first EP includes three unreleased tracks and a reworked version of two older songs. The first song, "Salka" is one of the band's best songs, while "Von" is a reworked nine-minute opus originally appearing on their debut album.

I love this band so much. Thats all there is to it. Go to the vaguespace link, check out one of the tracks on the new album and do yourself a favor and buy it.

Bringing the term "shit for brains" to a whole new level

2007-11-05T22:50:00.001-06:00

Has anyone heard about this Jenkem?? Apparently its a new way for kids to get high and although it may be the most cost-effective way to do so, it is by far the grossest and raw smelling way to do it.
Jenkem, according to Wiki, is an inhaled gas which can result in disassociation and hallucinations. It is made from fermented sewage.

You read that right - FERMENTED SEWAGE. So what happens is that poop and piss is put into a plastic bottle, like a 2-liter bottle of coke, and a balloon is placed over the opening of the bottle. Then you leave it out in the sun for a few days. Then, oh man...

The gases collected are inhaled through a straw and from the balloon. You pass out for about a minute and then have a fucking trip for a good time.

This is pretty bad. Some guy tried it and wrote down his experience - unfortunately all the pictures are not active. The Smoking Gun wrote about it as well. Please - stay away from your shit. Leave it in the toilet, dont try to inhale it.

Beebsville

2007-11-05T22:40:00.001-06:00

So you still want to get away from your asshole neighbors and ridiculous property taxes? Well, this man made island is still up for grabs, if you have enough clams - 8.2 million to be exact. The pad itself looks mighty fine, but.....no Wal-Mart, no Little Woodrow's, no Mickey D's - but you will be master of your land and that may just be worth it.

Merry Christmas Pookie!!

2007-11-05T22:35:00.000-06:00

Because I hate your alarms and you never turn them off and leave me to do it, I am going to get you one of these for Christmas. And the number one spot is calling your name!!

Noooo! Tell me it ain't so!

2007-11-02T09:35:00.000-05:00

Chupy is just....a coyote? Bullshit! I refuse to believe it! How am I going to remove that spray painted mural in my office?

Chupy Lives!

Frank Warren - PostSecret

2007-11-02T09:14:00.000-05:00

Last night, I went to see Frank Warren speak at Union Building at UT here in Austin. It was pretty amazing, given that I was not expecting to go - or that I didn't know he was going to be here.

Last July, my friends Shea and Sara got me his first book for my birthday and I got hooked. A few weeks ago, he released his new book, which I got to buy there at the talk/book signing. I sorta knew the history of Postsecret, but having the guy there talk about it was surreal. Here is this guy, mid-40's, "normal" looking, a dad, a husband, and he has read the innermost and heartbreaking/hopeful/sexual/disturbing secrets of THOUSANDS of people that he has never met. I love his project, and I know that his work, which wouldn't be successful without all those folks that have submitted their secrets, has helped MANY MANY MANY people come to terms with the skeletons in their closets - I am one of them.

Do yourself a HUGE favor and check out his website (first link on the left navigation bar) and buy his books - you will not regret it.

Sharon Jones. Thats it. No more words.

2007-11-01T16:51:00.000-05:00

I just took a listen to Sharon Jones, the lovely creature in that picture right there, and oh man wow. Jezebel put up a video they just released that you have to absolutely check out. The crazy thing is that looking at this video, and knowing absolutely nothing about this artist, I thought it was some Soul/Motown band from back in the day - but no. The video was made from old school cameras, giving it that authentic b/w, TV music show feel. Real nice.

Get some songs here and here.

OMG The BEST News Ever!!

2007-10-30T12:16:00.000-05:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG I can hardly contain myself - THE MCRIB IS BACK!!!!

Oh sweet meat of the gods, sauce of the heavens - words can hardly express the joy and glee I feel and is expressed through the wrinkles of my face and the jiggly jigg of my fat ass!!

I think my vote is somewhere in there.....

2007-10-23T13:07:00.000-05:00

If he ran, he may actually have a shot! Looks like there are more people out there than we thought that would like to see him in the Oval office - but my age old question still lingers - are these people serious or just taking it in stride?

Bush needs to put his priorities in check

2007-10-23T12:44:00.000-05:00

Bush wants more money for a war that we were not supposed to start and are not winning. Want to know where this money is going? From Huffington Post:

"The amended foreign aid request in President Bush's supplemental package would fund infrastructure and development projects in Iraq and Afghanistan and extend to projects beyond the Middle East. That could provide Democrats with added leverage in their battle with Bush over unrelated domestic spending. Afghanistan is a major aid recipient in the amended request -- about $322 million would be for diplomatic operations there, including $160 million for construction of residential housing and the remainder to provide security for U.S. personnel. Another $100 million is included to help prepare for that country's elections in 2009 and $225 million for the central government to help extend its reach and build trust in outlying regions. The request would provide $115 million for power generators in Kabul and electric power in the northern part of the country and $5 million is for "reconstruction opportunity zones" to help build the economy. Another $50 million would be used to build a road from Kabul to Bamiyan in central Afghanistan, and $5 million is included to help protect Afghan President Hamid Karzai. Iraq would receive about $239 million for the U.S. embassy in Baghdad, while another $125 million would go for economic aid, including $100 million for restarting state-owned enterprises and $25 million for a new private-sector development fund. Another $240 million is requested for Iraqi refugees, with about $160 million to aid refugees in Syria, Jordan and Lebanon, and $80 million to aid displaced refugees inside Iraq."

All for a grand total of $46 billion dollars. 46 BILLION DOLLARS!!!!! And to put things in perspective:

Part of California is on fire and over a quarter of a million people have been evacuated from their homes
Millions of people and CHILDREN in our own nation are starving
Teachers - you know, the people that educated us and through their work helped us find a job to support ourselves - are resorted to finding donors when they need supplies because they get no money for it
Katrina victims are probably still not doing much better now
AAAAAAAnd still - $0 for children health care, thanks to our president.

I may be fatter, but dammit I'm happier!

2007-10-23T11:38:00.000-05:00

In the "you call that breaking news???" of the day, there is a study that informs us that married people tend to gain weight faster than single folks.

I was there - I tried so hard to be thin when I know I'm not the skinny type. I wanted to impress the hot guys so I tried to match my competition - which was hard since the majority of single ladies at that time "my age" were skinny college girls with adorable bodies. Then I met my fiance. And I gained the weight - bad.

It's no surprise that when you start dating someone, move-in, become engaged or marry someone, you tend to let yourself go a bit. It's no news - we all know that. But I must say - I was more miserable when I was skinnier.

Dumbledore was gay?!?!?

2007-10-23T10:04:00.000-05:00

Oh great - there goes my Dumbledore fantasy....

I love J.K. Rowling, but I'm pissed that she didn't tell me about this earlier. I never thought him of the sort - and I have pretty good gaydar, or so my friend Juan tells me. Spice girls baby!!

Read it all here. Personally, I always thought Snape was batting for the other team, the way he kept obsessing over Harry and his dad - Harry's mom was a beard!

Oh, and on a related note, this is the best damn thing ever!!

Mellow Music

2007-10-18T16:48:00.000-05:00

I feel like "ugh" - so here is some mellow music to let the day pass a bit more smoothly. No happy song today :-(

Takka Takka - Strangers Pillow
Townes Van Zant - Lungs
Cabin Dogs - Phoencia
Christians & Lions - Gimme Diction
Bon Iver - For Emma

Links will be inactive in 7 days.

He's got my vote!!

2007-10-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

On Larry King a few nights ago, the ultimate badass that is Stephen Colbert announced that he is running for president of the United States in '08. Also, he is running as a Demoblican (Democrat and Republican) so that he can lose twice.

There is an unofficial Stephen Colbert for President 2008! website (found here) and, well, I don't know what to make of it. At first I thought he was joking, but now I am not so sure. If he ran, he'd get my vote. Why the hell not?

Sicky

2007-10-18T11:51:00.000-05:00

I've been sick these past few days. Not fun. I'll try to get back up to speed soon.

B

This pretty much sums it up

2007-10-11T21:32:00.001-05:00

This is the life of my cat Luna.

Musica para ests jueves!!!

2007-10-11T15:40:00.000-05:00

Muscles - Thanks Seth!!
Trouble Andrew - MOKB
New Grizzly Bear - GVB
Oooo Sigur Ros!! - GVB
Devendra Banhart (as my friend Matt described it - some freaky weird stuff) - GVB
Whoa - Yoko Ono and Catpower? - STG

And the happy song of the day is...
Red Pony Clock - STG (sounds oddly like "Deep In The Heart of Texas")
Anything with trumpets and xylophones is a kickass tune!!

Radiohead Reviews (because I am stupid and not smart enough to understand the complexity and meaning behind every song):
The Rawking Refuses to Stop! refuses to buy
MOKB
GVB
Rolling Stone
Wired

And you thought going to Bolivia was hazardous...

2007-10-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I almost had the chance to travel to Bolivia for work. It was a stretch, given that I still do not have a passport (what?? I know I'm not the only one) and I needed to get shots. Yeah, shots - for Hepatitis A and B (double whammy!), Typhoid, Yellow Fever, Rabies (what????) and some other crap. I ended up not going - much to my relief.

Well, my friend Jason sent me this link today. Apparently, going to a NASCAR event may be just as dangerous and contagious as traveling to Bolivia. At first I thought what!! but then I was led to these pictures and thought ah, ok it makes sense. Then, the unequivocal proof is the picture riiiiiight down here.

For the "I'm not pregnant" look...

2007-10-11T14:43:00.000-05:00

I'm not preggers and have never been, but I would think that once the belly starts protruding and you have what feels like a 30 pound weight in your tummy, the last thing you want to do is wear some tight ass clothes (and find out the chocolate is all gone because your baby daddy got the sweet tooth attack in the middle of the night and death never crossed his mind).

AND because the fashion industry still hasn't driven the point home that you ARE fat if your ass isnt frolicking down a catwalk, here is some news for you beautiful gals expecting - a girdle. For your tummy. Because pregnancy isnt uncomfortable enough.

The Beatles - ON CRACK!

2007-10-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

How in the world people have time to do this or the motivation to do so is beyond me. Some dude decided that he would get ALL the records the Beatles ever created (update: in the UK, sorry), mash them up all together, compress them into an hour-long mp3 and send it around the web for all to hear. I have no clue how long it took this guy to do this - or why. BUT what I do know is that if I was falling down Alice's rabbit hole for an hour, it would definitely sound something like this.

Extra points! - What song starts playing around the halfway mark??

For all you Star Wars fans out there

2007-10-11T14:17:00.000-05:00

Ten bucks says she's taken. Who wouldn't want a piece of that?!?!?!?!

Scroll to about 1:10 to see her bust some mothereffin moves - watch!!

:-(

2007-10-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

Just sad.

Don't mind the booster seat - just give me my beer.

2007-10-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

This morning, I heard something that caught my attention on the radio. It was a segment for booster seats from the feds - not unusual - but what really caught my attention was the fact that the segment mentioned "children under 4'9" should use a booster seat in the car". Uhhhhh - I'm 2 inches away from having to use a booster seat in my own car - as I drive!!

I know I'm short, I have accepted that but let me tell you - I've thought about getting something like that to help prop me up while I drive, so I was really pumped when I saw that my new car has that lever thing to raise the seat vertically. Kick ass!